"So you're going to die."

"Yeah. I'm on my way out now, I've got less than a week to live."

"I came to say good riddance....

"I've watched you fuck yourself up for about seven months now, SEVEN 
MONTHS of my life. Every time I thought you couldn't sink any lower, wham, 
you did something. You fucked another kid, you got another high, you 
squirmed your way out of another bounty. I never--I never thought I would 
ever see someone try so hard, for whatever reason, to kill themselves without 
getting the job done. You know what scared me the most? The fact that you 
believed in yourself. It wasn't like you stopped caring about living, hell no! The 
only reason you've made it this long is because you cared. I'd look at you, 
slumped behind the amps with three adhesives on your arm, and I'd think, man, 
if he just tries a little harder, goes just a little lower, he'll do it. He'll actually 
disappear into thin air, and all that'll be left behind is just a little pile of drugs and 
sperm. But you didn't, did you? That's not how life works. You don't ever leave 
a pretty corpse behind, you don't write a masterpiece and then fade to black, oh, 
no. You just keep on living. Maybe you try to reach back and repeat it, and then 
you're a sellout, you're just snagging someone else's ideas; or maybe you try 
something new, and people go, oh yeah, that's creative, keep it up, and they 
think it's dogshit but they still remember they guy who used to walk on the 
stage."

Tamrin glared at the man on the bed, lying very still under the white sheet. "You 
think I'm gloating, don't you? 'Cause I'm alive and you're just animated meat at 
this point? Fuck that. I'm doing this for me. Me. You see this guy? Here? 
Walking around, shooting his mouth off? You ever notice this guy? In case you 
haven't, I've been doing sets with you for more than twelve months now, hitting 
the pads like my life depended on it. That's cause it did, ironman, Hot Oil 
mattered to me. When we'd be up there, and I know that going in nobody 
would care about us and coming out they'd love our shit, that was what kept me 
going. I'd have a chance to change somebody, you know? To make 'em...make 
'em think about life different, not just 'cause of the songs we'd play, but what 
we'd put in 'em to make 'em our own, and maybe they'd meet us, or other fans, 
and they'd start to think about life, just like you always said they should. And I'd 
be drummin', and Rai and Avid and Drew'd be jammin', and you--YOU! Did you 
ever realize what the lead means to the audience? You're the figurehead 
everyone looks up to, you're the one everyone treats like the leader. You'd be 
up there mauling songs, and we'd try to support you, and you'd drag us down! 
DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU!"

Lee saw the tear in the corner of Tamrin's eye, and said nothing.

"FOR ONE WHOLE YEAR OF MY LIFE, I IDOLIZED YOU! I don't care what 
anyone says, I NEVER LOST FAITH IN YOU! I was the one making excuses, I 
was the one prompting Avid to talk to the fans, I was the one who snuck our 
reviews into the paper, because I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU'D GET YOUR SHIT 
TOGETHER! And then, last week, halfway through the set, I just stopped. I set 
down the drumsticks and stared at this demon who was yowling out half-
remembered lyrics, and I thought, 'Who is this fucker? What did he do to my 
friend?' And then I came to you, and I tried just for once in my life to wise up, to 
really see you as a person. I came to tell you what I thought you should do, and 
you know what you did to me??? DO YOU FUCKING REMEMBER?"

Tamrin ripped his shirt open, exposing a large bandage on his chest. He tore it 
off, not even wincing at the added pain, exposing the burn scar across his front. 
"Does this remind you? You ripped the cable away from the mike and whipped 
me with it...how could you do that to me? HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO 
ANYONE?"

There was a cough from the doorway. Tamrin wiped his eyes to clear his vision, 
and turned to see the doorway crammed with people. Alita was standing in 
front, her hands clasped, silently looking at the two men her small way. Drew 
was beside her, almost on her shoulder. His denim jacket was unbuttoned to the 
waist, exposing the t-shirt for his new band. Behind them, shoulder to shoulder, 
were Avid and Raisa, both with their synthar cases on their shoulders, as though 
preparing for the watch shift. Within the tension that hovered in the room, a 
plague of insects lurked, eager to prick the consciences of each member of the 
scene.

Drew, who had been the one to cough, spoke quietly. "Av and Rai wanted a lift 
over here, I'm the only one with a truck..."

Before speech could become too awkward, Lee waived his visitors in. "Please, 
come inside." Silently the four filed into the room. Alita took the bench at the 
foot of the bed by her synthesizer. Avid sat with her back to the window on 
Lee's left side, and Raisa sat opposite her. In unison, both slipped their cases off 
their shoulders and rested them on the bed. Drew leaned up against the wall 
with his hands in his pockets. Though he was close enough to slip an arm around 
Alita if he chose to, he felt at the very outside of the circle. Tamrin fumbled for 
the trash can, turned it upside down and rested his weight on top of it, finding 
himself just to the right of Lee's shoulder.

Lee pulled himself up into a sitting position, propping his body up on his pillows. 
He glanced around at the faces, all different half-shattered masks, and wondered 
exactly what he was going to say. Somehow, the truth was hard to say, even 
though it was evident, and he knew the people around him so well and loved 
them dearly. His mind darted back to an old book he had read one time, where a 
character had said, "Begin at the beginning, proceed until the end, then stop." The 
foolishness and sagacity of the advice had kept the quote in his mind all this time. 
He opened his mouth and spoke:

"I can't thank you all for coming to see me. I want to tell you...I did it. I did it all. I 
did drugs, I drank booze, I screwed groupies...and I can't tell you clearly enough, 
I'm the one who did it. I tried so hard to let it all take control of me, to give 
myself an addiction, 'cause an addiction's an excuse. Even if it's just a pathetic 
cop-out, it's an excuse. People like to blame things rather than other people, 
'cause things don't get mad at you.

"In the end, I failed. I never, ever hid from the loneliness I felt...

"Alita, after you left me, I felt so alone. I didn't realize what a direction you were 
giving to my life just by being around. Then you were gone. I wasn't--I mean, I 
wasn't angry, or hurt, really. I was scared. And it wasn't just of you, I was scared 
of everyone. I thought, 'If they find out she left because of me, maybe they'll 
think I took advantage of her, and then they'll all leave.' That was too terrifying 
for me to deal with.

"So I lied to the group. It hurt--God, it hurt me to do that. After that, just a little 
more hypocrisy didn't seem so bad. I tried the drugs, I tried the sex, I did 
everything I could to make the pain go away. And if it did, even for a moment, 
I'd say, 'Now I'm feeling happy.' And just saying that would kill it, and I'd be 
miserable again."

He rolled his weight to one side and reached out to Tamrin. "Tamrin...when I hit 
you with the mike cable...I knew that I was whipping you, and I knew that the 
wire was live. At that instant, nothing mattered to me anymore. I was so mad at 
myself because I couldn't be happy, couldn't make anyone happy anymore. I'm 
ashamed to admit...I picked some easy targets, and...I still didn't feel happy. I 
didn't even help my pain.

"I look back, and I honestly think it's God's will what I did to everyone. If you all 
had beaten me to the breaking point, I would have had some release. Someone 
would have hated me, and I could have given my pain away, like you give your 
heart away when you're in love.

"It was after the tech crew had fled to go put a bounty on me, I started crying. I 
cried in absolute blackest self-pity for what I'd done. See...it wasn't until Alita left 
that I realized how much I needed her. Then I killed the band. That is when I 
knew I needed Hot Oil, just like you guys did. I've been so selfish, and I didn't 
even have the faith in you to trust you with the secret of what really happened 
to Alita and me."

He closed his eyes and moved down a little in the bed. "Don't say you forgive 
me for what I've done to the five of you. I'm not worth it, for not putting my 
faith in you. If you want to give me something, just forget my name and my 
face, and that's forgiveness enough. All I want now is one last chance to 
perform...let's do 'Every Generation', OK?"

Simultaneously, the five listeners awoke to the request. Almost mechanically 
they set themselves up. Raisa and Avid unzipped their bags and drew forth their 
instruments, already plugged into tiny amplifiers. Alita switched on her 
keyboard and selected an appropriate voice. Tamrin, still feeling misgivings, 
dragged an end table into arm's reach.

Drew remained where he was, seeming to do nothing. He leaned against the 
wall and felt its firmness: Alita's dad had been able to afford real paint, and 
something softer than concrete below it. Below his eyelid he felt the light 
pouring in from outside. He became aware of his position in space, where 
exactly his center-of-mass was supported at. His mind cleared, he willed it to 
thoughts of the band, of their lead singer; and, much to his surprise, he found 
himself drawn to the more positive thoughts.

He began to half-chant a rhythmic two-chord bass line, setting the tempo. 
Following his lead, Tamrin constructed a rhythm of table-slapping, kicks on the 
trash can and beatbox noises. Alita waited for him to become established, then 
joined in with some quiet arpeggios. The prelude was now complete. Alita 
brought her invention into a diminuendo as Avid began the theme: measures of 
three, then two, repeated notes. Raisa added rhythm synthar. The band 
members had constructed a dark, danceable rock song, the kind of march to 
hear upon the plains of Armageddon. Lee was trembling.

the more we take the less we give
that's the modern way to live
and someone said live fast die young
but the time runs always faster son

Shumira, with Ido in tow, floated into the doorway.

diseases come, diseases go
welcome to the final show
so let's shake hands with plastic gloves
and watch out for the last white doves

and believe me baby
every generation's got its own disease
I've got mine, so help us please

and believe me baby
every generation's got its own disease
well I've got mine, so help me please...

Raisa slipped gracefully into the synthar solo as Lee reprised the chorus. Drew's 
bassline changed, slipping from its limited form as written into an original 
variation, still maintaining its chord structure--to the innocent ear, it was exactly 
the way it should have been written.

I think that I'm too young to die
love that girl and say goodbye
change the girls like underwear
using bodies without care

Alita winced.

the love has gone and what we've got
is sweet perfume of sex and blood

and believe me baby
every generation's got its own disease
and I've got mine, so help me please

and believe me baby
every generation's got its own disease
and I've got mine, babe, so help me please

I said every
"Every!"
every
"Every!"
every
"Every!"
every generation's got it's own disease, baby,
every
"Every!"
every
"Every!"
every
"Every!"
every generation got it's own disease, oh...
--
Minutes later, Ido pronounced Lee dead. Cause of death was listed as "massive 
organ failure". His funeral was attended by a few special, close friends.